Editorial: Uwe Boll Bites the Hand That Feeds Him

ApparentlyUwe Boll has had his feelings hurt by gamers in the past, and now that his latest flop has gamers and the general population both laughing their fool heads off at him, he has decided to strike back with his only weapon – his words. Poor Uwe.Greg Gutfeld of Fox News recently interviewed Boll on the program “Red Eye” and during this little tête-à-tête, Boll decided to try and get a dig in at gamers who bash him over the Internet.

“They don’t have their own life and they’re still sitting at Mommy’s table every lunch”, said Boll.”

Apparently, Boll is unaware that the majority of gamers who bash his work to bits are not 12 year-olds still living at home, but adults with jobs, lives, an intricate social ladder, and some of who may also be married or enjoying some sort of relationship with another adult outside the confines of schoolyard slap and tickle sessions.

When asked how he dealt with gamers who complain about his movies, Boll with his usual defensive tone, replied:

“A lot of video games have no story. I did the movie “House of the Dead” and got bashed and I said, what were you expecting, Schindler’s List? I showed zombies chasing people and this is basically what the movie delivers. I don’t know what they were expecting [from] a movie based on an ego shooter where you kill ninety minutes of people non-stop.”

If video games are lacking in story, why doesn’t he just get a normal script from a starving Hollywood writer who would not care if he destroyed their work just as long as they could buy their latest bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and a value meal from McDonald’s with the proceeds? I only say that because most writers suffer for their art and get paid next to nothing, I am not making fun of writers in general per say, just trying to make a point that there are loads of ludicrous scripts out there that Boll can pick and choose from – no matter which one he chooses it will turn into an insufferable piece of sewage.

Therefore, to blame his failings on video games, a genre he continues to exploit for his own illusions of grandeur, is like blaming the alcohol you binged on last Saturday night for the scorching case of gonorrhea you contracted. He cannot just pass the buck; he must take responsibility for his own corrosive actions.

Nicole LaPorte of the L.A. Times which, like most news sources, has lately become the intellectual equivalent of The Weekly World News without the fun antics of Bat Boy, recently commented that:

“Hollywood can’t win at video games. Because 13-year-old boys spend hours zapping asteroids or stealing virtual cars, movies based on video games would seem to be the logical follow-up to the comic- book-to-movie frenzy. Screenwriter Josh Olson, who was rewriting the “Halo” script (Peter Jackson was to direct) before the movie fell apart, says video games “have aimless cycles. You go to A, shoot some monsters, then go to B, then start over and do it again………. RULE #1 | Step away from the video games. Transforming this medium’s weak narratives to film hasn’t been as successful as with comic books.”

I find fault with this attitude, especially when she stated that video games have “weak narratives”. I, along with many gamers, can give her and Mr. Boll plenty of examples of video game titles that have a extremely deep “narrative” along with engrossing storylines to go along with stimulating combat action and stunning visual effects. The Witcher, Mass Effect, the Fallout and Resident Evil franchises, to name a few have highly engaging plots and even the Zelda games have great storylines despite their lack of a “rich narrative”. Yes, some games are nothing more than a fun shooting frenzy aimed at passing the time and are just another way to entertain yourself, but to say that video games in general are lacking in that department is just moronic.

Boll is just trying to defend his horrible directing skills and his inept ability to produce a quality film that the public would deem enjoyable. LaPorte on the other hand has either never touched a game controller or hasn’t played a game since Asteroids was the popular game of choice at her local skating rink. If she is going to continue to report on “entertainment” news, she needs to branch out a bit and become familiar with more than just movies and the latest Hollywood scandal regarding botched nose jobs.

Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for Uwe Boll and others of his ilk. He should take any bit of money he has made, and go back to school and learn a new vocation. If he insists on continuingly being involved in the movie making industry, he needs to become an understudy for a more prominent director that could give him a few pointers and possibly help him salvage what tiny shred of credibility he has left. If he is to succeed in the film industry, he needs to take responsibility for his financial and critical flops and absorb the criticism he receives from the public as something constructive. Yes, it is always fun to make fun of Uwe, and I am just as guilty as the next person, but he chose this profession willingly, and he should not be surprised when his poor decisions come back and bite him in the ass. Next time he makes a movie based on a video game and it flops, he should blame himself not the video game industry and its fans – instead he should just try and make a “normal” movie and see how that plays out. He genuinely seems like a nice guy, so I really wish he would get his act together.

To watch the interview in its entirety, click here, and then scroll down until you see Uwe’s face and then click on it and the video will pop up in another window. If you can get past Greg Gutfeld’s usual enraging jackassery, Uwe makes a hilarious remark about Tara Reid which should give you a nice chuckle. On another gaming note, which games do you think have a great storyline with a compelling narrative? Let us know in the comments section.