POSTAL to Hit Theaters Same Day as Indiana Jones Movie
By Stephany on Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 at 10:34 AM PST In Game Companies, Game Demos, Game Platforms, Gamer Life, Games
Oh Dear Lord Almighty! Uwe Boll, has completely lost his mind. I am so literally stunned and in a state of shock and disbelief that he would seriously try and go up against one of the most anticipated movies of the last 15 years, that it has honestly left me dumbfounded. Read it for yourself:
Tucson, AZ: After a year of touring the world via film festivals and preview screenings, the film version of Running With Scissors’ cult video game franchise POSTAL now has a firm release date. Moreover, Postal: The Movie will make its big screen bow on May 23rd, in direct competition with the first weekend in release for the latest Lucas/Spielberg Indiana Jones flick.
“We will go out and destroy Indiana Jones at the box office!” thundered a confident Uwe “Raging” Boll of the first film to win him positive reviews, even from the video game community. Boll attributed the delay of the film’s rollout to litigation involving the New York Post and his film’s outrageous opening scene spoofing 9/11. “But now the field is clear,” Boll vowed.
The film stars Zack Ward as “The Postal Dude”, along with Kids In the Hall star Dave Foley; Austin Powers Mini Me – Verne Troyer; Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi Larry Thomas and classic character actor J.K. Simmons.
“Frankly,” Running With Scissors’ CEO Vince Desi (who plays himself and the lovable Postal character Krotchy) admitted, ” we’re ecstatic that a release date has been set, and to have Universal behind it is all the sweeter. We’ve been working overtime developing POSTAL III for PC and console and our fans have been waiting to see this movie for a long time now.”
In what alternate universe or plane of existence did most gamers give “Postal: The Movie” a great review? If Boll really wanted one of his movies to garner more money than what he put into it via box office sales, he and Universal should have picked a better release date. Indy will crush them. Hell, “Barbie and the Land of Make Believe Horses Who Poop Rainbows” will stomp him at the box office, and that is just something I made up off the top of my head.
If this movie, seriously, is a grand success, and I mean GRAND, then I will personally write a letter of apology to Uwe himself and have him over for dinner just to make up for being such a hater towards him. However, I say that with the utmost confidence I can garner because we all know that it will tank next to Indiana Jones – what movie won’t?
Oh, and shame on you Dave Foley for even being in this movie! Unless you are broke and destitute, you are better than this and have shamed your fellow “Kids” for appearing in it.
It sounds and looks a bit better than his old shit.
But then again, Be Kind and Rewind looked good too…
Seriously, if you have a history of crap reviews, don’t launch with Indiana Jones.
I havn’t seen Dave Foley for a while, but I didn’t know he was hurting for money this badly. Unfortunatly I don’t think even his wit can save anything touched by Boll.
Apparently Gauldar he is also showing his manly bits in the movie and giving them a good scratch as well. I would have expected that out of fellow Kids alumni Scott Thompson but not Dave. (Just kidding Scott
)
Bout time it comes out for real here in the US. Been out for a while in Germany. Even longer in the film festivals.
Stephany, I wouldn’t be hasty with the apologies. A film that does well at the box office isn’t an indication of its quality. Some of the best films sometimes don’t do well and some of the worse make $80 million opening weekend. This is Uwe Boll and an adaptation of Postal; we can’t hope for much.