Guide On How To Keep A Girl For Gamers
By William on Sunday, June 17th, 2007 at 8:11 PM PST In Gamer Life
Sometimes gamer guys spend too much time studying game strategies and forget how to keep their girlfriends. I was browsing through bulletins on Myspace and came across this helpful list on how to keep a girl. It was posted by a fellow gamer, so of course it’s a completely truthful list. If you guys go out there and actually attempt anything on this list, we are not responsible for the results. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and the actions should only be attempted by professionals like myself. I realize this isn’t big gaming news, but it’s Sunday and sometimes I just like to have fun with articles on slow weekends. If she happens to be a total psycho, then some of these things may actually work. If anyone ever needs advice on psycho girlfriends, I’m the guy to come to. The great list follows the break.
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.”
This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this
will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If
she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will
show her you care.5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and
every girl needs some improvement.6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then
when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because
jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words “**** you” and grab the other
girl’s ass. Girls love competition.8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.
When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you’re
really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she
starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and
whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those
special nicknames.10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket,
because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
“if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now, you’re going to be
bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she’ll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all
night.13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn’t girls?14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10
minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes
home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give
her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.17. Every time you’re in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings
or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This
way, she’ll go crazy.18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order, interrupt
and say “no, she’s not hungry.” Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls
love a spontaneous guy.20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on
it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I’m talking
about).21. When it’s raining, keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say
“no, it’s just the rain.” Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at
her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.24. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her that
material objects arent important. The only thing that’s important is
that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she
can ever get.25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one
that much, but guys think it’s funny.26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Don’t
call
It worked. And now my girlfriend is asking me to marry her. Thanks for the post
Humor like this reminds me of “Color Field Painting”. It’s art…but it’s a poor excuse for art.
Lmao, you retards bitching get a sense of humor, this is obviously a joke.
Ahah, this was great anyways.
Some of them were funny
so daoism, chill out.
That was pretty darn funny, and I’m saying this as a girl. I think the best was # 11. And to all the other people who posted angry replies to this “Get a life and a sense of humor!”
“# Dis says:
June 18th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
It’s not funny. It should be taken seriously. It’s “lol-ing” at situations like those listed that make the normalization of those actions inevitable.
It’s misogynist. Sorry, big word. Misogyny means the devaluation, contempt and hatred of women.
Unfortunately, misogynist and humorous are one and the same to some people. Those that wrote this, and those that laugh at it, are a messed-up bunch.”
Dis-
The real problem is people like you wanting to put women on some bizarre platform, forcing ideals and images down the throats of young women, and young men, about how special and better women are than men. This creates hostility from both sides.
Now, if this had been a post about how to get a BOYfriend, instead of a girlfriend, I’m sure you would have found it perfectly acceptable. You wouldn’t even have given it a second thought.
It’s women like you who are giving REAL feminists a bad name. Those of us who are working for a better equality, one where women and men are respected equally, and women DON’T need special treatment, kindly ask you to GTFO and quit misrepresenting our gender. If you can’t do that, get back in the kitchen and shut up.
No, really, as a woman with very strong femme-power views, (and an avid gamer!) I laughed my ass off at this.
omgroflkek, This is hilarious. You guys must be uber rational nerds because this is effin funny.
10, 17, and 19 mad me laugh. “Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.” As for 19, if I ever caught him, I would go Oksana from Borat on him and “snap his cock off”! The rest of it is just too creepy to be funny! Yeah, I’m a girl as you can see from my name, and I see it as both funny and disturbing. Weird combo, I know.
Jeez man, stop flaming the guy. Hey some part was funny some was not, if its not, stop reading and shut up. There is no point in flaming like I am now.
lol@ dexa… why are people so ignorant they got to take all this stuff seriously. although i must admit i pulled off the birthday one once or twice but thats cos i was broke..hahahahahaha… its still funny to think that i got away with it.. going to make it up thise year though
Another recommended reading for gamers is yet another piece of satire that was found not to be just satire – Ladder Theory, which is available on LadderWiki.com site.
Idiots. 99% of those posting know it is *supposed* to be humorous and sarcastic…even those who you claim “do not have a sense of humor”. We do have one, this just isn’t funny…it is lame.
Let me clear this up for you: it is not lame because it degrades women or anything it is just lame because it is, well, lame. Not much imagination in it.
If you are a tweener, then have at.
OMG that’s the funniesst thing I have read in ages. Great list although it would all lead to certain death or worse
Captain Obvious likes licking me!
Twokoifish,
Someone is always going to take offense to anything you say in this world. Personally, I like to find a little humor in everything. I’ve seen some crazy things in my time and it would be real lame for me to take everything serious all the time. Sometimes you just have to turn reality into a funny joke.. it makes living a lot easier. If this was written in a serious tone, then things would be different.. but it was an obvious joke.
L 0 L.
l0vvsit
i read this again today its still rwally funny the secound time and people who take this cereal should know its a joke and not take it cereal
people arent going to do this unless your crazy or chuck norris its just a joke 
(i still think only chuck norris can do this and get away with doing this stuff if anybody else succeded let me know)
lol
some would be fun to try when your planning on breaking up
“It’s misogynist. Sorry, big word. Misogyny means the devaluation, contempt and hatred of women.
Unfortunately, misogynist and humorous are one and the same to some people. Those that wrote this, and those that laugh at it, are a messed-up bunch.”
I agree 100% and so does my girlfriend…. because when she doesn’t agree with me she gets a bitchslapping.
I know some of you guys don’t believe this, but it’s all true. All you disbelievers need to get with the program! I use every single step on this list, daily. My wife and I have been happily married for quite a while thanks to important daily guidelines such as those. And by happily married, I mean I’m happy and I’m married. Who cares about her!
ok, i don’t care who you are, number 17 would be fun to do for about a month,
and if not, it would be funny to see what happens.
that ones just plain great
LOL!!
It is a great list!!! Look for the hot ones with low self esteem who comes from a broken home!!
OK OK OK SUM OF THIS SHIT IS NOT TRUE..HE MUST BE CRAZY AS HELL TO DO SUM OF DAT SHIT TO A GIRL…WE TALKN BOUT A GOOD GIRL NOT A HOE…..LOL..DATS SUM FUNY SHIT
sad thing is some guys are really assholes like that and do a few things on that list….
For all you sensitive people out there. I have a great relationship with my girl. I would never do anything like this but I have to say kudo’s because you know there’s about a million lists for women talking about men out there that get laughed at on a daily basis through emails and on the internet.
This was freakin’ funny and I enjoyed it. Stop being so stupid and realize that its a joke. Its meant for hillarity, not to hurt your poor feelings.
The people who take stuff like this seriously are the ones who start riots and burn down entire buildings because they didn’t like the violence it portrayed or the opinion they have. LMAO
h
ha ha what a great joke but if u r serious dude ur girlfriend will kill u for sure
“Unfortunately, misogynist and humorous are one and the same to some people. Those that wrote this, and those that laugh at it, are a messed-up bunch.”
and that was the only thing funnier than the actually article. lol
i don’t think they are one and the same to people who laugh at this. You have to be able to laugh at almost anything in life from time to time. Life is too short to be serious all the time.
this is fucking disgusting. I hope someone chops your balls off and feeds them to you. You probably have never evn been laid you sick misogynist twat.
this is sick
Ok I totally get that this is a joke but it was a bad one. Also being like the only girl to respond to this I say it’s annoying.
oh, and if said guy was already a gamer when he got a girlfriend I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to keep her. If not replace her with a gamer chick, we’re better anyway.
Hello I am a fellow gamer and I ask all who read this gibberish not to confuse it with gamers but to understand that it is nothing more thin a bad joke made by someone who has a womanizing and abusive sense of humor. Any one who has or will act in such a way can not use this as an actual reason for what they did or will do for they are already a womanizing and abusive person. Well hope every one has a wonderful day even anyone who just may have something to say about my replay.
@Chick:
I realize how some may see this as a bad joke. It was really meant to make fun of the morons out there. Some people actually do these things. Perhaps my sense of humor isn’t the same as everyone else, but I guess I can find at least a little humor in nearly any subject… don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it certainly makes life a little easier.
I never thought about dating a gamer chick.. I’m actually married to someone who just plays games occasionally. I have heard that gamer couples sometimes have to fight over tv time, but I guess that’s why it’s always a good idea to have several televisions in one house.
that was actually the best joke ive ever hurd. very smart. stupid i agree, but fuckin awsome, harsh yea, but guys like messed up jokes! hahaa
omg …
some of that thing are not tru okeey ..
not every girl act like this okeey ..
it’s funny! … do you get it?… it is a joke
(to gamer girls) – find a gamer boy and kill him in the multiplayer game…
then write “lol, “playername” was killed by a girl” belive me, it’s embarrassing for him.
haha how nervous boys get when kicked by a girl
btw kenny you are wrong, i don’t want to waste whole 1 hour from 24 to hanging on the phone…whatta waste of playing time… and the movies? weekends? come on… weekend is my only time when whole day free time.
i would like when guy wants to play games with me
Dude! Im fuckin 13 and i dont believe this shit! This aint funny one bit and the guy who made this should go to hell along with those who think it’s fuckin funny! Thats not the least bit funny! If you really think its funny your sick in the fuckin head.
email me with tips from women.. to know if ur to attacheed nd how to get away from them
Wow… the list was entertaining… but the angry people were even funnier. Call me a misogynist, call me a retard, call me a tool, call me whatever… but this is a funny list. Some of the “punch lines” are a little weak, but the list is a quality diversion
haha yous are fuckin stupid, this is a joke thing, its funny. have a laugh, dont actually do it. if u do ur pretty fuckin stupid
HA! Thats fricken hilarious. I dunno whgy but I love number 6 the most.
I think this is hilarious.
im a girl and i find some of these to be true to a certain extent.
I had to deal with my best friends crazy ex girlfriend and I think this is exactly how she should of been dealt with lol(she is out of her mind).
She was extremely jealous of me…but i could understand why…
Very funny.
hahaha i read first couple posts and they are reeeeaally stupid if they didn’t get the joke… hahaha!!!